Do you take this woman?

Firstly before I begin a dissection of what it's like for my friends and I to be going through a quarter life crisis, I want to say how cool the last few weeks have been with no blog, loads of unexpected people have come out the wood work and told me how much they miss it!

So thanks.

Anyway I digress.

So Sunday I went to a wedding with my best friend. You will know him as JTU, Jez the Usher.

His new name as there has barely been a jewish wedding South of the Watford Gap in the last 12 months where Jez has not been an usher, we think maybe he gets costco to sponsor them or something. If that is true, when it comes to mine I'll have the Haribo pick and mix for the reception please!

Neither of us have settled down yet it must be said, we do not have cold feet as so much as frozen to the point of needing amputation when it comes to thoughts of "the begininng of the end" as my mentor Dad, once put it. Only joking Mum!

"And we are done" Jez said as we took a seat for the ceremony.

To most people that aren't on our wave length that would suggest we were about to leave, but no.

"We're done" in this setting meant that he had observed all eligible females on the other side of the synagogue and had come to his conclusion. No further mental power was needed for the rest of the day.

"What are we looking at here? Give me a figure?" I said, already knowing the answer having scoured the synagogue for myself.

"One, possibly two depending on how old that one is." Jez said pointing over to the girl that scrambled in late.

Things were looking very bleak. Only one!!!

Interestingly things were not looking so bad for everyone's favourite usher JTU. His dice had rolled 6s, for that one girl was sitting next to him on his dinner table.

I, on the other hand was stuck with the religious jewish girl so unfriendly that she had resigned herself to the fact that no jewish guy would be so stupid unless under the effects of mind altering hypnotics and had moved in with her non jewish partner.

I hasten to add that the fact her best friend was this night the bride, and was marrying someone of THE faith, was pushing her stability into Chernobyl like safety.

After having had enough of her sourness, I suggested to her that she looked like she needed to go on holiday and didn't she know she could get a good last minute deal to Baghdad this time of year.

That was pretty much the highlight of the evening for me.

Without the bride having a younger sister and younger sister's friends therefore in tow, the wedding was basically split into 2 conventions, those there in just married or soon to be sooo smug as you like couples.

And those girls who are of similar age to me who are sat on the shelves with no amount of Post Yuletide sales going to shift them if you know what I mean.

All in all weddings are crap, you are never sat next to the single au pair from Sweden, (although the Jez did do well on this occassion) and if I must go to another one, I either want to be best man or the groom.

Needless to say the bride and groom don't read my blog, and if by chance they do, may I say what a wonderful night I had and how beautiful the bride looked.