Careful What you Wish For...

It's late June. Dan, Jez and I sit around a pub clawing the labels of our bottles of beer. The tension is high. We have a holiday booked with no girls coming.

"Good night guys, leave it with me, and all of you pray!" I drove off into the now Jude Lawless-Primrose Hill.

2 weeks later, 5 girls had booked, elation seeped through the emails and texts between the 3 of us.

What fun it would be this holiday, turn to the left a girl in a bikini, turn to the right a girl in a bikini.

Mid July - On holiday...

"Seriously girls, we are going on a boat - at night, noone will see you!" I pleaded with them to cut down their getting ready to leave the house time to under an hour.

"But you only told us at 6 that we were going out tonight." They squeaked. The time was now 9.

"No, it's definitely your turn Jez" I said.

"Rubbish it is Dan's turn" He rebuked.

"Sod it, I will get them out this house - watch the master in action!" I stormed out the air conditioned room into the heat of the night air.

I returned some minutes later, "Ok I think we have time for a nap before we go out." Damn it.

The next day and every other day...

"You talk to them"

"No you"

"No you"

"No you"

"Paper,rock,scissors?"

"Done"

"You lose!!!"

"Ok here goes."

"Hey what are you girls talking about?" I feigned ignorance.

"Oh we are talking about relationships, do you want to join us?" The girls pull up a chair for me.

I bottle it.

"Ah I just got a call from a volvo engineer, he needs me to go to the boat immediately, so sorry, another time?"

"But it's 1 am!" She smelled a rat.

"Er er" Think fast Mark! "Yeah he must be on call" I tried not to laugh and ran off to the safety of the 2 boys.

No but seriously, the holiday was wicked. In a ten point summary..

1 - The number of engines we could get to work on the boat.

2 - The number of times I told the Spaniard who I couldn't understand to "Fuck Off" when he tried to deliver Kate's lost luggage!!!!

3 - Hundred Euros that Dan won playing poker.

4 - Large glasses of Sangria needed to drown out the girls talking of engagements and relationships.

5 - Boats surrounding us on all sides during the wicked blessing of the boats procession.

6 - The number of hours the girls would take to get ready.

7 - Schnitzels Jez could eat in one day.

8 - Hours Jackie could monologue for without stopping for air.

9 - Appetizers that the girls stole from everyone else, "Oh we don't want any!"

10 - Maximum number of girls we had on the boat at any one time.

Job done. Roll on 2006!